Dear Parents

by Jessie Cooper | Oct 23, 2025

In my last several blogs I’ve written to you about the transition into the school year and the helpfulness of visuals. It is my hope that in writing to you I’ve been able to guide your family into the school year with new insights. As a mama, I know how anxiety ridden the start of the new school year can be. Above all else I want you to know that your child deserves to thrive.

With that in mind I’ve been asked to write a letter to parents who are starting their journey with ABA therapy. With over 18 years in the industry and almost a decade as a mama I’m hoping to write this letter in a way that supports you. Starting anything new for your child can be scary. For me, when I feel lost and alone, education brings me peace.  I may not be able to address everything you need to know, but, darlings, I hope to give you a guide to follow at the start of your journey should you choose ABA for your child.

Dear Parents,

If you’re reading this letter, you are in fact at the crossroads of starting a new therapy for your child. In considering beginning therapy, you have already taken a thousand steps to get here and landed in a place to be proud of – the place of realizing that your child needs help and in turn that you as a family need help. As a parent I’ve walked this path with you with therapies for my own children. I do not want to discount the weight of this journey because it is an incredibly difficult one. I believe every parent wants their child to thrive, and when your child begins to struggle in our social world, that struggle is carried by you first and foremost. You want your child to succeed, you want your family life to be peaceful, you might even crave normal while asking yourself, “What is normal?” All the while feeling guilty for even thinking about it. You have mentally carried this to the point of believing that you can’t do this alone. That right there is bravery.

In looking up the type of help you need, if your child is autistic, you will quickly find Applied Behavior Analysis is the only evidence-based therapy for your child. Then (if you’re anything like me) you’ll scroll into the depths of the web and find triumphant stories, hope, and an entire movement against ABA. Given this information I’m guessing you will grapple with wanting evidence-based care and not wanting the horror stories of ABA done wrong. You might talk to your pediatrician, you’ll definitely talk to other parents, and in the end if you choose ABA you will tentatively begin calling providers. All of this belongs. You are a parent and making a choice to start ABA brings trepidation. And, the choice to start ABA brings hope.

Okay, my darlings, we’re where I’ve needed us to start and end. We started with your bravery, walked through fears, and ended with your bravery to choose help for your child. You are incredible. You are doing the hard thing. Before setting expectations for ABA, my loves, pat yourself on the back, rub your heart, and acknowledge everything it took to bring you here. As we look to the beginning of your search for an ABA provider, there are some key points I really want you to know. For the sake of ease, I’m going to list them:

1. Providers should never begin ABA without a diagnosis of autism and an authorization from your insurance carrier (without these you are at financial risk).
2. Quality assessments to create individualized interventions take time! And insurance processing takes time. Expect 6-8 weeks after your intake meetings to start services; anything quicker is cutting corners for financial gain.
3. No, not every child under 5 years of age needs 40 hours a week of ABA. Providers who require this want profit above outcome.
4. Yes, your BCBA should be in charge of recommending the hours of treatment and you as a family should agree with these hours before treatment begins.
5. All client programs NEED ascent withdraw as the first program taught. This program in short teaches your child to say, “No,” which is the most valuable skill we can teach children with special needs.
6. Forced-compliance is never, not ever okay. If your ABA provider is making your child complete tasks while they are distressed, this is not ABA. All children deserve time to calm down, even if they do need to complete the task in the end.
7. As parents you should be shown your child’s assessment and goals. You should also receive monthly training on the goals and know what your child is learning.
8. Behavior reduction done well takes time. We don’t have a magic wand but we do have a pretty cool science that in the end will help your child decrease the behaviors they struggle with and increase adaptive language.
9. Clinic-based treatment only will limit their success; as a child learns goals and gets older, home-based and community sessions are needed.
10. The goal of all providers should always be to graduate your child from ABA. Graduation does not mean their autism is gone, it means that ABA has helped them to live in a meaningful and independent way.

It is my hope that with this letter I am giving you a tool to take with you as you interview ABA providers. That is in fact what we should all be able to do as parents – ask questions, get answers, and feel confident in the services we are selecting for our children. If IABA ever becomes the place you choose to receive ABA services, we will uphold the standards of care I’ve listed. And, should you go somewhere else (as many of you will), stay informed and active. Know it’s your right to ask questions and see results.

Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper

Bridging the Gap with School and Home

by Jessie Cooper | Sep 18, 2025

In my last blog I wrote to you about meeting your child where they are on their journey back to school. How is it going, darlings? Has your family adjusted to the new routine of school? How is your child doing with their teachers? Their friends? That new sleep schedule? Activities, anyone? I know you can’t answer my questions with simplicity because back to school season is anything but simple. It’s a season of adjustments. My hope is that for all it is going well, but as a mama I know far too well nothing can go well all of the time.  This time around I’m hoping to provide some guidance if your child’s needs aren’t fully being met at school.

Peering into Education

To start our journey together I’d like to take you back about 20 years (I know, I’m dating myself here!). Nearly two decades ago I was completing my undergraduate degree in early childhood education and working as an aide in a preschool. At the time colleges were adapting to “No Child Left Behind” and teaching us how to implement standardized curriculum. Simultaneously in my job placement I had special needs students (undiagnosed autism) who were not being identified and teachers at their wits end on how to teach them. The teachers I worked with were two of the most caring people I had ever met. Their frustration came from not knowing how to help their students while also preparing children for a standardized learning world. This is the start of my journey into ABA and why I started as a home-based therapist to help special needs children. I too wanted to know how to help.

Fast forward about a decade and I had become a BCBA and business owner and was on my way to parenthood. During this decade I spent countless hours with parents, teachers, autistic children, and schools. You see, when I find an under-resourced population both my brain and my heart light up. I love using our science and math to create sustainable resources. In the first decade when I was becoming a BCBA and business owner, one thing ran true in every situation – people were trying their best. As I sat beside struggling children, parents, and teachers, it was not a lack of caring, just like my mentors, but a lack of resources (and often education) that created their frustration. You see, standardized teaching works wonderfully for the median student, but any child on the edges can get lost. Teachers are not readily given the resources or training to help those students.

If we look at this refrain that teachers have signed up to work with children because they truly love them but have been taught to teach to the norm, I am hopeful we can access some compassion. When you have a child who can’t assimilate, they are perfectly performing (remember the learner is always right) with the skills they have. And teachers are trying to provide for their needs without the support they may truly need to help your child. If it rings true for you that you have a child who learns differently or is struggling in school, I hope this refrain helps you to soften towards your school. Once you soften then also lean into the fact your child deserves to thrive and you are their best advocate for getting their needs met at school. Every child deserves a fair, free, and equal education. As their parent you are the biggest voice in the room for your child.

As Your Child’s Advocate

When a child is struggling at school, they need and deserve accommodations. While some schools are well resourced in providing these accommodations, others aren’t (or are part of a good district but with not quite there teachers). As your child’s advocate you get to voice concerns over how your child is progressing in school and what needs they have based on their different ability. You know your child best and as their parent you also know how you hope school can help them grow. Many of our families at IABA achieve this by using a collaborative approach between their home-based ABA team and school team. The art of ABA is to teach idiosyncratically to neurodiverse children alongside social goals set by the parent. If a child at IABA is struggling at school, often crossing over ABA to the school team provides both the advocacy and education to support the child. This can also be true outside of ABA. As a mama, if my children are struggling at school, my first step is to have their outside counselors connect with the school. Teamwork does in fact make the dream work.

At IABA we have carried on our mission for over 13 years to provide services across funding sources, and we navigate red tape to do so. This means that depending on funding and location, how we provide support in school can look different. For instance in Colorado we can provide RBT support in the school and in Illinois we currently support with IEPs, consultations, and at times vendor contracts. We hope to provide RBT support in school someday and are continuing to work with our funders. And, if you’re not a client of IABA, while these examples may not apply, my hope is that the message does. Collaboration with your child’s village of professionals helps them to thrive.

So, my darlings, as you settle into the school year with your child who is perhaps not settling, remember first and foremost they deserve to thrive. Keep your hopes and goals high for your child while walking alongside the teachers who are doing their best with the resources they have. If the school is not able to meet your child’s needs, collaborate and advocate. People don’t know what they don’t know. The beauty of ABA that keeps my fire going all these years is that it provides the resources necessary so that every child can learn. Their home-based success in ABA and other outside therapies just might be the resources their school needs to know about so they can thrive.

Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper

The Learner is Always Right

by Jessie Cooper | Aug 28, 2025

Over the summer I’ve written to you about putting down your “should’s” and embracing what you and your child need wherever you are. Has it worked, darling? Even in small doses and moments have you been able to slip away from what you expect of yourself or your child during the big moments like holidays or vacations? What about the small? It’s easier said than done. Each day offers moment after moment to accept exactly where we are in life and where our child is. With the school year upon us there is no time like the present to revisit our should’s.

It is easy to slip into the trap of wanting a perfect school year for our children and just as easy to expect (uh oh, that word again) our children to excel in the new year. Of course we want this because we love our children and have hope for them. Yet our little loves are little learners and expecting a bright shiny new year doesn’t leave a lot of room for grace – grace for the anxiety that change may bring and the pressure that school can often add to our families. School is in fact a job for our children that no matter how supported they are will bring challenges. And, my loves, every family and child has their own unique challenges. You are not alone.

Leaning in to Learn

Truly, most parents I have met have a laundry list of things they want to help their children with and have absolutely no idea where to start. For parents of the neurodiverse children I know, this list sometimes feels overwhelming. Neurodiverse children see the world differently and fitting into social norms isn’t always easy. Because parents want their children to succeed, figuring out what to do both in their family home and in the social world, regardless of their child’s ability, is tough stuff. As we go back to school, the season of expectations is high. I’m hoping to lift the pressure, just a little, for us all.

You see, as summer ends (sooner each year it seems) and the sticky days of popsicles putter to an end, we all see the bright light of structure. Parents race to the stores to fill their carts with back to school outfits and supplies and head off to the barber for haircuts. Lists come out with teacher assignments while muddy children lazily end their late night playdates. It’s a season of change and what can feel like celebration. I know personally I give myself a silent fist bump for making it through summer accompanied by a tinge of regret that I didn’t embrace our lazy days a little more. Every year it’s a tiny battle of “ugh, no structure!” mixed with “ah, I’m going to miss them!”  I know for many of the families we serve, it’s a season of preparing their children for a transition they can understand. For all of us it’s a whole bunch of emotions and tasks.

So what could we do, darlings? What advice would be helpful as you step into a new school year to allow yourself and your child to enjoy it? I wish I had a magic answer that would give you all a perfect start to a new school year. Unfortunately, I don’t. What I do have is real life experience both as a mama and as a BCBA. When I really sit with myself, a phrase from my graduate school years comes to mind. It was a phrase that changed everything back when I was learning behavior analysis. And as a parent when I am struggling with big emotions on the home front, it is the phrase that always recenters me. That little phrase is “the learner is always right.”

Wait, what, you say? My child is always right – I quit these blogs!! Hold on a second, stay with me. I am not saying your child knows everything or that any of their challenging behaviors are acceptable in the long run. What this phrase means is that when a child is struggling with, well, anything, they are exactly right where they are. It is a different way of saying to stop expecting your child to be different than they are at any given moment and to instead accept the current emotion, behavior, or situation at face value to better understand the needs of your child. As a spoiler alert, this also works on yourself! If we stop resisting whatever life challenges present themselves and instead embrace them as opportunities to learn and grow, we will as a family come out stronger.

Embracing Where You Are

So, my darlings, as you pack your child’s bright backpacks with markered signs celebrating the new year of school, I want to leave you with this. Yes, the school year is starting, and no, it’s not going to be perfect. Your child (and family) is experiencing a change and with that will come both positive and negative experiences. Your child may come home bursting with joy about their new class and friends. Your child may also struggle in their classroom and/or have some pretty big emotions coming home. You may have a school that works with you or a school that needs to adopt a more compassionate approach to children and families. While it would be easy to say “new school year, new you!” to your child, the reality is it’s a new school year, same child, new experiences for all.

The very best advice I can give as you walk through the doors of the new school year is to shake off expecting perfection and embrace whatever you and your child need to thrive. I promise you that expecting external perfection in a new chapter isn’t it. Breathe deeply, darlings, and hold your little learners close. They are in fact right wherever they are in life.

Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper

Trips are for Kids

by Jessie Cooper | Jul 31, 2025

The last time we were together, I wrote to you about how to navigate the shoulds of the 4th of July. Did it help, darlings? Were you able to prioritize the needs of your child while celebrating the parts of the holiday that you held dear? Or perhaps you skipped the holiday all together. Whatever you chose, my hope is that you chose how you wanted to celebrate in a way that was in alignment with your family and heart.

As the summer days drag on and back to school peeks sleepily around the corner, many of us have spent some of summer vacation, well, on vacation. Before we are all back to the grind of the school year, I’m hoping to offer a little bit of insight on this topic as well. My spirit longs for adventure and travel. Excitement is on the tips of my fingers thinking about the possibility of writing to you about this! Yet as I’m formulating what I want to say to you, I’m gently reminding myself that vacations with children (while the location may be beautiful) are trips. There can be joy in these, too, and today I’m hoping to set you up for success with a gentle reframe.

Accepting Where You Are

I would love to take credit for the label change regarding when you are traveling with your children and without them. That would be stealing credit from where it is due. This gentle reframe comes from the amazing Dr. Becky, a positive parenting psychologist who is a thought leader of our time. Years ago as I was buckling my then toddlers into their car seats as a single mom on the way to the beach, I downloaded her podcast. On our drive through the mountains to the ocean Dr. Becky reminded me that children will bring who they are, struggles and all, right along with them. That as parents if we expect our children to be perfect on vacation, we are setting them and ourselves up for failed expectations. And darlings, isn’t that half of life’s struggle? When things don’t go the way we expect? Dr. Becky advised to accept your children as they are at any moment while offering yourself (and them) grace. To enjoy your trip and then plan a true vacation solo from your children.

I truly believe (yes, as a BCBA) that sometimes things come into our lives at exactly the right time. The download of this podcast, at that moment, was one of those times for me. I was pumped up for our gorgeous rental, the tiny town, the sand, the sun. That summer I unloaded two big feeling boys onto the sand; one hated the sand and one hated both sand and water. They told me through tears and tantrums that playing indoors and at the community pool (that we could go to at home…) was their happy place. I could have resisted and forced my boys to love the ocean with me. While tears did smear together at times (mine/theirs) we found our way to accepting the type of trip we needed. Popsicles, pool, and margaritas did the trick. Forcing them to enjoy something they couldn’t would have robbed us of our joy. While a piece of me still longed for time against the tide with my boys, I found peace in accepting where we were.

Prioritizing Yourself

Fast forward several years and I’m still a work in progress in figuring out what works for our family for our summer trip. This year we made our way to the Great Lakes (one child with a complete body suit packed to ward off sand…) to a rental with its own pool. I had the environment down that I knew my children would enjoy and was ready to accept their emotions as they came. What I didn’t prepare for was what my own heart would need this time around.

I was so focused on my children (and getting it right for them) that by day five I crashed and burned. I’m sharing this with you because when I shared Dr. Becky’s advice of meeting your children where they are at, I forgot the part of the lesson about prioritizing your own needs too. This trip I forgot to listen to myself and learned something new through my failure. Turns out, when I got everything perfect for my kids, I was expecting (uh oh) myself to perfectly enjoy it without considering my own needs. This trip I learned that the vacation wasn’t just about the destination, or my children, it was about all of us as a family. Next time I’ll be ready to accept my imperfections even when they come up on vacation. Through this, I’m hoping to stay grounded and experience our little family from a present place. Scars and all.

Releasing Expectations

Are my experiences landing anywhere near your hearts, darlings? Have you come up against wanting your children to be perfect on vacations or expecting yourself to be happy full-time? Vacations (that is, trips) are expensive and time consuming. The amount of preparation that goes into them sometimes takes more time than the actual trip. This can lead to a buildup of what we all should be enjoying, kids included, and anger or resentment when it’s not a blissful time. I am hoping by reading my words you are starting to understand what I am trying to convey; take the pressure off, honey – of yourself, of your children, of the location, of your fellow travelers. All of it. I know, I know. Easier said than done and yet if you can release yourself and your child(ren) just a little, I promise your trip will be more enjoyable.

So, my loves – as the summer sun shines on us, remember you are going on a trip as a family and as a family you all have unique needs that come on that trip, too. When you get all the way to the beach stuck on “we should be happy,” take a deep breath and tap that heart of yours. None of us should be anything more than we are right now. If your child is unhappy, it’s a need not met. Guess what? If you’re not happy, same thing. Accept the wave of emotions, tap into that need, listen, learn, and enjoy what you can. It’s not going to be perfect, but I promise you that accepting where your family is and what they need is a trip worth taking.

Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper