by Jessie Cooper | Jun 25, 2026
In my last blog to you I wrote about preparing for the change of summer by prioritizing yourself first. Have you tried this, darling? Amidst the busyness that kids being home bring, have you found a way to fold time and care for yourself into your day? Even if it’s in the smallest way I hope that at least once a day, even for a moment, you’ve made time for yourself. Personally, one of the joys of my home is that my closet has pocket doors. When the going gets tough, I take a mommy minute, throw earbuds in, and listen to music amongst the clothes. It’s not a glamorous spa day, but I can hear myself and breathe.
As the days of summer are in full swing, so is the responsibility of summer parenting. For some families their children have full-time childcare, a part-time nanny, or a grandparent or spend their days receiving ABA therapy. For the children we serve at IABA, summer is a popping time at the clinics! Children are out of school, which means more time with their friends and therapists. Or maybe you are able to get the summer off and are home with your children. All of these scenarios are different yet in one way they are the same – you, my darling, are the primary caregiver. This means that no matter how much or little you are with your own darling, the mental load of their care is fully yours.
I’ve written to you before that I’m a single mama; since my children were eighteen months, three, and fourteen the full mental load has been mine. While I have support, I also know too well what it feels like to have the full weight of parenting on your shoulders. What it feels like to fail, what it feels like to try again, and what it blessedly feels like to have some tools that work well. While my little lovelies (now 7, 9, and 20) do not have autism, the principles of ABA have helped more times than I can count. Children going through divorce need structure and the peace of knowing what is coming next. ABA has long focused on recognizing that what comes before a behavior will predict the behavior you are going to see. The tool that has helped my children is the same tool that will help families with autistic children this summer – visuals and routine.
Now before I go into this further I have a disclaimer. If you have a child with autism, they are their own unique being. There is a saying I have always loved, “If you have met a child with autism, you have met one child with autism.” Yes, there are key traits autistic children have that qualify them for diagnosis. But our neurodiverse babies should never, not ever be pigeon-holed into a label. They are themselves. So when I write to you about what may work, please know it may also not work. If it doesn’t work, lean into first your gut as a parent and then if you can’t figure it out ask for support and help. Even with my own children, social workers are the core of how I adapt when I don’t know what to do. Both my children see therapists, and on my hardest parenting days there is a peace that comes from knowing that when I don’t know what to do, I know who to ask. As the owner of IABA, I deeply hope that is how our team feels to the families we serve.
Okay, okay. Disclaimer over and on to the summer. As you are looking at planning out summer for your autistic child, I do recommend ABA therapy as part of this routine. How many hours your child needs depends entirely on what your child needs. When I’m recommending building ABA into your routine, it is only at the level and hours that will help your child thrive. Knowing there is built-in therapy throughout the week and someone to help build skills with your child beyond you is a piece of the puzzle.
Beyond setting up a therapy schedule that works, setting up each day frontloaded with what your child might need will make all the difference in the world. Wait, what, you say? You want me to predict what my child needs before the day even happens? Well, yes. But also no. The day can go sideways (and will at times) but setting up the environment before the day starts allows for predictability. Autistic children often like structure and routine. Knowing what is coming next, in a visual way, is extremely helpful. When you are setting up the day for your child, having a visual schedule of what the day will look like and a chart of what is available and not available will go a long way. Practically speaking, a schedule can look like velcro and printed pictures, a white board, a piece of paper. However you want it to look, it should be in a format that your child will understand and that will help to prepare them for their day and routine. When children (and people) know what is coming next, we tend to be calmer.
Then, a chart of what is available and what is not available allows children to know what is a choice and what isn’t. A red piece of paper and a green piece of paper works best here. Green is filled with snacks, activities, and toys that are able to be used and red is filled with what isn’t available. This is a fluid chart; for example, you could have a popsicle on green and when popsicles are done for the day, you can move it to red. This little chart goes a long way toward establishing choices and boundaries in a simple way. Coupled with a visual schedule of what is coming next, summer becomes more predictable for your autistic child. And when life is more predictable, it is often calmer for us all.
This past week in therapy my littlest love was working through some big feelings of frustration. As he walked out of session beaming, he had two things in his hand – a visual reminder for mom, “I want to do things by myself,” and a bracelet that says, “Stop it,” to remind his brother he needs breaks from the classic big brother bossing. His therapist smiled at me and said, “You know he’s yours, right?” After years of making visuals for my children, they’re starting to make them, too. When tools work, we use them. I hope, my darling, these tools help set you up for a summer of success.
Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper
by Jessie Cooper | May 21, 2026
As the blooms of spring trees fade and the warmth of summer is upon us, so are our children bursting at the seams with the excitement of another school year finished. The countdown has begun and if you’re anything like me your countdown looks a little different from your children’s. For families of neurodiverse children, while their countdown may not be vocal-verbal, there is still an energy of change in their world; we are all aware that the season is changing.
Alongside my children I am equally excited for sunshine, swimming, frozen treats – popsicles vs. margaritas – it’s all joyful to think about. Yet equally along with that excitement is foreboding joy that my children being home for the summer means that the demands of caretaking increase. While many families are able to use childcare and camps, there are an equal number of families who need to piece together a summer schedule for their children outside of traditional childcare. Being a single mama who shares custody with another parent, my schedule fits around the days I have them. While it is not the same, I can understand the barrier that many of the families we serve at IABA face – the barrier of “it’s all on me to figure it out.”
You see, when as a parent it is up to you to piece together a summer that works for your family and when traditional childcare isn’t a choice, there is an awful lot of stress that goes along with it. So, my darlings, as we step into this new season, instead of first asking what your child needs, I’d like you to ask yourself first what you need. Because while setting up their schedule is on you, it should not be at the expense of you.
What are the stressors leading into summer?
Which ones do you feel you can handle alone?
For which ones do you feel that you need support?
How do you feel at your best as a parent?
And how, my love, can you take care of yourself on the days when tears flow readily?
Parenting is a journey. Often we forget when we are in it that before we had children, we first had ourselves. Each of us has desires, hopes, and a unique soul journey that makes us feel alive. And when little humans enter the picture, they sure have a way of taking up the energy in the room. Please do not get me wrong; our children are our priority as we are raising them. And I know you’ve heard this from me before and you will hear it again – you cannot be who your children need you to be if you are not able to show up for yourself.
Different Paths, Same Journey
We all come from different walks of life and that means that finding a path home to our own hearts while raising our children will look different, too. The barriers in one parent’s life will look differently from another parent’s. Yet at the end of the day we all know what it feels like to be burned out beyond recognition and what it feels like to be balanced. There are times in life when we do have to push through a difficult situation (with our children or otherwise). But, my darlings, we are never as alone as we think we are.
Trust me, I’ve been there more than I like to admit on difficult days with my kids when I feel the world is on my shoulders. Yet when the stress of the difficult days melts away, I remember that I am not alone. That while getting the resources my children and I need is my responsibility, there are people who want to help. We were never meant to live a life of isolation. No matter what anyone is going through, I know in my heart that helping hands are around the corner. Sometimes the barrier is simply reluctance to ask for help.
Creating New Support at IABA
So, my loves, as you step into the summer with your children, think first what you need in order to gain support. Being on 24/7 for the summer is a non-starter for every parent. At IABA I’m beyond proud that part of the work I get to do is pay it forward to the families we serve. I’ve personally been uplifted through my parenting journey in more ways than I can count. Being able to create something unique for the families we support is one way that I’m able to lean into myself and give my heart what it needs – an extension of love.
If your child is a client of IABA this summer (and beyond!), please know that we have built a program through the support of Illinois Medicaid to create community services for our clients. While our families rely on us for ABA therapy, they can also be faced with the challenges of how to help their neurodiverse child thrive in our social world. This summer we have trained our RBTs in Naperville, Oak Lawn, and Des Plaines as Community Support Workers. Under the direction of our Social Workers we are able to use Medicaid funding to join our clients in the community! We know ABA therapy is important and so is being a kid. Our Community Support Workers are focused on helping our clients access the community while relieving families’ stress. This can look any which way our families need, varying from a 1:1 aide at summer camp to extra hands at swim lessons or just a helper in the home outside of ABA sessions to help our clients engage with their families. We want to empower our parents by building community by, in fact, being in the community.
This service might not be for everyone we serve and that’s okay. My hope is that families at IABA see that we are listening about the support they need outside of therapy. Burnout is real for all parents. Feeling alone is a feeling that none of us enjoy. As you step into summer, first ask your heart what you need, and then, my loves, ask for help wherever you can find it. If it’s with IABA, we are more than happy to serve.
Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper
by Jessie Cooper | Mar 12, 2026
Last time I wrote to you, we talked about the importance of self-care in the seasons of our lives that are difficult. Have you tried this, darling? Have you sat with yourself in dark or hard moments with your gentle hand against your heart? Asked your body what it needs? Given space to your spirit to gently peer in to provide a respite from your experience here on earth? I hope, my love, you have just for a moment sat with yourself and offered this care. Our modern lives are full of expectations and it seems as though we are all somehow missing the mark, perhaps even the mark to sit with ourselves. If you haven’t yet leaned in to see what you need, that’s okay, too. You see, life isn’t always about what we do; it is often about what we choose not to.
Early Experiences
As a child I was raised in a home where meeting the family standards and expectations of others was held in high regard. My parents are good people and wanted what was best for us and in the 90’s their view was of their generation. There was a mold to fit and if you fit the mold life would be easy! The problem with this was two-fold. The first is that neither of my parents fit the mold from which they came. My mama was raised in the city in the 1950’s by parents who looked like movie stars and were strict beyond measure. My dad was raised by a traveling Methodist minister alongside siblings who subscribed to toxic patriarchy. My mama was a T-shirt wearing, war protesting liberal by the time she reached college. My dad saw (and sees) all beings as equal including women, which included my mama at his side and not below him as the male. They weren’t who they were raised to be. But the 90’s culture was strong and they had ideas of who my sister and I should be.
They wanted to create their own normal and for us to fit that mold. This led to the second problem: as a child, unless it made sense in my heart, I had a very difficult time following the expectations of others. I can’t remember a time I didn’t question a rule they tried to enforce. And at the same time I very much wanted to make my family happy. It was (and is) a little dance of, “No, I don’t want to, shoot, did that make you sad?” Even in a home where I knew my gender made me equal, I grappled with how to balance who I was with what others wanted from me.
Connecting to our Present
Fast forward to today and you are probably wondering as the owner of IABA why I am sharing this back story. What does it have to do with the families we serve or the work that we do? Well, darlings, the short answer is everything. You see, as the founder of IABA I drive the vision of IABA and what direction we go. That direction is always sitting alongside the families we serve and people we employ to better understand their life experiences. What have they been through? What do they need? How can they soar? And to sit alongside the people that come through IABA I always remember we are all human, having a human experience.
As the founder I am right here with you. Yes, I have the incredible honor of running IABA and providing care to our communities. The backstory of my parents is a small gleam into what shapes my values today and how I choose to lead. In this season of my life I’m realizing that no matter how much my logical head knows not to follow the expectations of others, my heart still wants to make sure everyone is okay. It is a delicate balance within myself. And I have found that when I am able to release expectations, life flows easily. This, my love, is what I want for you.
The Desire for Life
The release of expectations does not mean the release of desires. To be alive is to have dreams, hopes, and needs. The release of expectations means to release the internal (and external) cultural rules that prohibit us from living a life of ease and joy. When I wrote to you about self-care, I was smack in the middle of ignoring what my body needed while trying to hold up everything I am responsible for. My body shut me down (for six long weeks…) while I tried to push through without noticing my own pattern. After two very intentional weeks (not just one night of soup) I am finally feeling more connected to myself. That connection came after I released everything I thought I should be doing.
So what about you, darlings? Many of my readers are parents of children with neurodiversity. These parents are running a marathon of therapies while trying deeply to take care of their lives in addition to their child they so deeply love. Lives with children are full of love alongside worry. Is my child going to be okay? Am I doing enough? What about my marriage? Is there time for my friends? Who is making dinner? Why does laundry never end? And the list goes on and on. The expectations of being a parent are strong. And beneath that parent is a person who didn’t know the breadth of their responsibilities until they met their little person (maybe little people).
You too, my darlings, have a backstory, a childhood, an internal dialogue that is driving you day to day. We all do. And while our stories are different, we all seem to have the same murmuring worry of, “Am I doing enough?” I am here to tell you that it is not what you do, but who you are that is enough. That it is not what you cram into your lives that matters but instead your life itself. Today I am writing only to my parents and I hope you hear me loud and clear – who you are is exactly what your children need.
Yes, life is hard, and parenting is a madhouse. But darlings, in all of that there is life. Won’t you lean gently into your own heart, release what others want, and breathe an expansive breath into the stars? Your having what you need and not what others want is how to fill your cup. A full cup overflows into the lives around them. Kids and all.
Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper
by Jessie Cooper | Feb 19, 2026
In my last blog to you I wrote about IABA’s step towards interdisciplinary care for our families. Over the last month I’m beyond proud to say that each Behavioral Health Clinic has either a LCPC (Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor) or a LCSW (Licensed Clinical Social Worker) leading this charge under the guidance of our fabulous Dr. Toshi Szypra. Together this team is connecting with each family to ask, “How else can we help?” As the founder of IABA I’m still in awe of my incredible team that has the capacity to both listen and create. That is after all my very favorite thing.
A Season of Too Much
As we close out January that was full of the flu and snow days that never ended, February offers the light that spring is on its way. I wish I could say that in our success in hiring the positions that will create wrap-around care, excitement abounded. In our logical minds my team and I knew we were laying the foundation for something incredible. In reality three out of four of us have young children and had lost all patience for the month. We are people serving people and were at our limit. I would love to tell you we all leaned inward, took long weekends, and came back recharged. However, we all have a bit of work-a-holic in us that created a whole lot of resistance to being overwhelmed leading to, well, crashing.
As we sat around each other I knew I hadn’t led by example. I pushed instead of allowing space for life. Yes, there is a business to run, clients to serve, services to create, and employees to supervise. Every day someone around us needs something and we want to support, empower, and create independence among both clients and employees alike. January turned into a yes month when it should have been a month of setting boundaries for ourselves; boundaries that allow us to recharge and take care of ourselves and our families so when we do show up to work we’re present.
The wonderful Brene Brown gave me this priceless little phrase, “shitty first draft.” As the founder, the way I allowed us to burn out in January because of pressure at work and home was my shitty first draft. You see, one thing that sets IABA apart is that we are not chasing a corporate ladder. Not one employee is expected to give all of themselves away to the organization to take one step up that invisible ladder. Instead, we sit beside each other and listen, and employees advance when they are excellent at their craft. That was my vision at the start of IABA and it is still my vision today. When families come to IABA to gain access to care, I want them to know that as an employer we give that same care to our staff.
A Chance to Start Anew
Overarchingly we excel at this balance though I do have to admit that “work, life balance” is a bit of a trigger phrase for me as the founder. In my 20’s, hiring also 20-somethings, this little phrase was overplayed. That being said, we are an organization of people, serving people. And we are a woman-led organization. The gift of this is not something that I take for granted. When you put women at a table together incredible things happen. As women we have the unique skill sets to see what is needed around us and the brilliance to create it. And, as women, we are still fighting uphill against the demands at home while trailblazing our careers. Like too many other women, we still get caught up in trying to do it all.
To change our trajectory for 2026 as a leadership team, I called out the way in which we were expecting too much of ourselves in January. Relief flooded the room and each of us was able to breathe and agree. We connected as people before we asked one more thing of each other at work. In that meeting I knew my team was back (and going to hopefully take some time off) as we recentered.
What I want you to know, dear reader, is that we are not immune from life. That we are moms like you, trying to do the best we can for our own children and for IABA. And that we know what it’s like to try and do it all. We also know, even when we crash, that it’s not on us to do everything. But it is most certainly on us to take care of ourselves before we take care of others. Last night I made a bone broth soup, poured a good glass of wine, and followed it with ice water at bed. As I type to you this morning I’m a step closer to being centered.
In the light of February I am hopeful to share with the families we support the message to care for themselves, too, and, where life feels overwhelming, to lean into IABA. While we might not be able to help in every aspect, we are listening, and we relate. Sometimes all the help anyone needs is to know they are not alone.
Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper
by Jessie Cooper | Jan 22, 2026
In my last blog to you I wrote about the work we’ve done at Instructional ABA Consultants in the last year. As an organization it took us over three years to fully understand Behavioral Health Clinics (BHCs). We know it will take time to help our families learn exactly what a BHC can do and how this will help them. Over the past fourteen years there has been one driving force behind each change we’ve made as a company. There isn’t a change we’ve made without explaining why.
With that, I want to start exactly there in hopes of beginning to help the families and potential families of IABA to know the difference between traditional ABA and interdisciplinary care. It is my hope, darlings, that in understanding our new why, you will come away also knowing how you can access more care for your family.
Our new reason is simple; it is that in order for our neurodiverse children to thrive, we believe the entire family deserves support. While traditional ABA is wonderful and yields incredible results when done with integrity, it does not look beyond to see how ABA can benefit families. An integrative lens asks the question, “What other resources and services will increase the quality of life for families?” In typing this to you I am smiling. You see, darlings, I want nothing more than for each of you to live a life of ease. Raising children is not an easy feat. I know this personally and professionally. I too have hit some walls as a mama and learned the hard way (as I always do) that I can’t do everything by myself.
Asking for Support
One thing I have learned is that when I believe I have asked for help and I am still struggling, it is not my fault. It is an opportunity to look again with compassion to my own experience, peer into my life as an observer, and ask, “What more do you need?” You see, I believe that people are inherently good, myself included. So when I am struggling on the home front, I have to believe I am trying my best – and that my best may not have all the tools and resources my children need.
Just recently I hit a new wall with my own children. I am a mama who allows my children to feel their feelings, all of them. While this is a beautiful thing, it has also created an environment in which all emotions are felt loudly. I’m beyond proud of my little men for expressing their emotions. I want them to feel free to be themselves and to be honest about their experiences on earth. That being said, allowing free expression of feelings can be overwhelming as a single mom. Over winter break as the solstice set in I realized I needed help once again. I wasn’t able to sit in presence with my children while they experienced their feelings because of my own exhaustion. As a mama I want to demonstrate that I’m taking care of myself, too. Becoming emotionally drained from my children’s emotions is not what any of us needed. While therapy is incredible for my children, this time around I found I also simply needed a helping hand at home.
A Wrap Around Approach
In writing this to you I can see your family from my own experience. I do reach out, as many of our IABA’s families do, for outside support for my children. We practice the tools from therapy and work on our goals at home. And, outside of just working on emotions, my family unit needs support simply as human beings. As much as I want to be everything for my children, I know I can’t live a life of ease if I am burning the candle at both ends. Neither, my darlings, can you. If your child is already getting ABA therapy, that is an incredible step to support your family. Integrative care then asks the question, “What else do you need as a family?”
I’m personally learning daily what I need, then unlearning, and learning again by surrounding myself with loving professionals and friends. At IABA I’m beyond proud that the team I lean upon and consider not only my employees but friends are offering that same care and compassion to our IABA families. As we kick off our new year at IABA, families will begin to experience an increase of involvement from us. We will be taking our time in interviewing our families, cross-legged and with open hearts, to continue to understand what they need. In these interviews we’ll gather information with curiosity and care. Then, we’ll lean upon our science to analyze and create the services our families are asking for either directly or as identified through our observations of the whole family.
My darlings, dream big. Speak honestly. We are here and we are listening. Does your child need speech at their ABA clinic? What is your home life like when ABA is over? Do you need help in the home outside of ABA so your child can participate with ease in their community? How is school going? Does your child have siblings? Do they need support? What about you? Would counseling while your child receives ABA help your heart? Have you considered OT? What about social skills groups? Each answer you provide is one more clue to us as a company in understanding what our families need. And, as we seek to understand, we will be using the BHC model to build out services to support your needs.
This project will not happen overnight and yet the foundation has been set to build exactly what our families need. And that, my darlings, brings us back to our why. As a mama and the proud founder of IABA I want my family and our families to be fully supported. We’re dreaming big. Tell us what you need, and from there we are committed to continue to create services for the whole family.
Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper
