Last blog I wrote to you about the sacred table of trust. Have you looked at yours, darlings? Closely evaluated, who has access to that brave and wonderful heart of yours? If you’re anything like me, chairs have gotten added and removed as I’ve learned to honor myself and ask for it in return. Learning who I am and what I need (at nearly 40) seems like an exercise that will never stop. I’ve come to accept this is part of life’s journey, the work of knowing and unknowing anything and everything that brings us home to our own heart.
I am writing this in a moment when I am struggling a bit in my own life and so I am writing a way home. I had a recent moment when I accomplished a lifelong goal. Something that I believe is part of my soul journey. Something so real and true that the most beautiful sunrise of your mind couldn’t hold a candle to it. And yet. There was no parade, fireworks weren’t lit, the stars didn’t realign, or even simply a celebration planned. The goal was met, my body melted, my family breathed, and life moved on into the unknown. Lunches still needed to be packed, socks were ordered in bulk for the pure goal of sanity, my children were still children with needs. I found myself in a seat where those around me said, “What now, boss? What now, Mom?” I was stunned, not celebrated in the moment I thought life would change.
I’ll be honest with you, I was not gracious for a skip and a beat because I had so much riding on this one goal. I was frustrated that the goal had been met and my days kept moving on. I believe we have all been trained that way – to set a goal and when it is met to expect our worlds to change in one cinematic moment. No wonder I felt a little shock. “I’m at the top of the mountain! Isn’t this the part where angels sing?” Just kidding, but we all know the feeling of accomplishing something in the outside world hoping to change our internal world. The Notebook, anyone?
This world is demanding of us all. Loudly demanding. It tells us many stories of how we can reach out into it and find all that we are looking for. Social media, movies, books, and our culture are riddled with this story line. We are taught to look for a destiny beyond ourselves, not within ourselves. What if I told you that your destiny was to love yourself with your whole heart? What if every single one of us did it? Truly wrote a love story to ourselves and then went out into the world to share and exchange love? Wouldn’t that be a story to tell?
In my frustration I practiced the “You Turn,” coined by Tara Brach. It is a Buddhist principle to seek refuge in your own heart before walking through the day or world. As my frustration mounted that daily life was not changing, yet, I was also able to return home to my own heart; it’s a beautiful place in there. And there I found, once again, the truth is this – love is always there in my heart; it is not something to seek but to enjoy when matched. I had to offer myself love and gratitude for who I am in order to bring myself home.
I hope, my darlings, that when the world falls short in showering the love on you, you are able to apply my story to your own life. That if the world falls short of appreciating you, showing you love, or saying thank you for the small tasks to the great, you do not reach toward bitterness. That you do not harm your neighbors looking for this love, this thing. Or, by proxy, I hope you do not harm yourself even with something as small as unkind thoughts. The world is hard and you are doing your best. I want you to fill your own cup so full of love that if anyone brings love to your table, your full cup overflows. I want you to not seek love thirsty, but instead be satiated in your own knowing – the knowing that you were and always are made of love.
I did an incredible thing that spans across generations of my family. I have set a new path based on love and truth. When the world was hard around me, I never once stopped believing in where I was going, in what I knew to be true. Now I will sit in the sun asking myself what love needs me to do today. I will care for myself first and then I will continue to build a more beautiful world on a path lined with love. I will continue to lead my children and company from this path. I am just Jessie, and yet I believe one person can make a difference if they follow their heart.
Walk easy, darlings, lean into your hearts, and bask in the warmth of your own love. Then, only then, share and receive. I cannot wait to see what your full heart brings to our world.
Xoxo,
Jessie Cooper