In my last blog to you I wrote to you about lighting up the world with your love to burn down the fear that surrounds you. In this blog I implored you to detach yourself from beliefs rooted in fear, to lean into your love, and use your rage against hate to build a new world. I hold a vision that collectively, should we choose this path, a new world will be created where all living beings flourish. My dad would say this is the romantic in me, my mama would say this is the fighter. To create this type of change, I realize that not everyone’s love and fury is as heated as mine. I hope someday it is, but to find your fire the first thing that must be done is to strike a match. Are you interested darling? Is there a low heat simmering in you as you observe your life or the life of others? I hope so, but if so, read on.
I’ve often quoted Glennon Doyle’s work, she’s now a well known writer and thought leader with her Podcast, “We Can do Hard Things.” In her work Glennon challenges us to re-evaluate our lives to find our truest form. In her work Glennon grapples with the concept of self-identity and how to find this within a suppressing society. Years ago Glennon’s work inspired me to evaluate my home life because at that time I had separated from myself and my love. Sure, I was giving love to others, but it was nowhere to be found for myself. This season of my life was the darkest I have ever walked. In separating myself from love, fear had taken root in me. Admittedly, terror was amidst my daily experience and truly love was the only way out. It was then I decided to light my own match to light the journey home.
Who Do You See in The Mirror?
I realize in writing this, it is incredibly vague. Why was I separated from my love? Who was I giving it to over myself? What was I frightened of? Who was I running from? Well, my darlings, that story is for a different time when I can safely tell it. What I can tell you is to know what it is to have a deep separation from love, and what it feels like to follow its call in the night. In those dark hours, I knew one thing to be true, I was no longer myself. My experience was admittedly extreme. However, I know that so many of us have these life experiences where in a chilling moment of clarity we realize we are gone. It is that very moment we must trust and believe that the light of love can expose the path back home to ourselves.
Have you ever felt this darling? I’m almost certain that you have. It might be a one off day where you feel restless, depressed or snappy. It could be that you are lost in judgment against yourself and therefore those around you. Perhaps it’s in moments of parenting where you cannot believe the words you’re yelling at your own child. Or in the empty halls of your marriage, knowing deeply you are not being loved the way in which you deserve to be loved.
Perhaps in these moments you’ve justified them away. Everyone has a bad day right? Everyone is stuck in judgment or has parenting moments we are less than proud of. And yes, everyone has some type of relationship, marriage or otherwise, that does not serve their highest good. Yet here’s the thing my darling, if you justify away that everyone else has this experience and then make no changes you, my dearest one, are stuck in fear. To change these life experiences that separate us from love, we must acknowledge them, hold them, and then want to change them.
Grab a Match
Recently I was at the riding stable with my little son Declan. If you would like to see cuteness in real life I invite you to see a tiny four year old in cowboy boots. My god, it’s glorious. The stable is owned by a woman at my Crossfit gym and the trainer is her sister. These women are powerhouses. I was re-canting to the trainer a recent experience I was struggling with as a mama. My darling son Declan struggles with anger and staying calm against his rage is a tall order to fill. As I shared this with her, I told her how badly I feel when I yell and how I’m desperately trying to stay connected to my love. I want to offer him the care and love I would want if anger I could not control overcame me. I was expecting a dismissive response, most moms give a simple, “Ugh, I know but yelling is the only way they listen!” The trainer instead met me with love and understanding, “I hate when I yell at my son, I always apologize after and people say I’m too good to him but I know he deserves to be treated like a person.” Yes! This is a woman connected to her love, who knows how to light a match when she needs to start the journey home. This is a woman who knows that no matter what, treating others (or ourselves) with unkindness, is not the way.
This experience is exactly what I am trying to tell you; it offers the two choices in front of us when we have an experience rooted in fear. We can either dismiss it, “Ugh everyone yells but it works!” or acknowledge it, “Yes, I yelled, I’m human, but it’s not okay and I’ll work to choose a different way.” It’s a tiny moment, a spark if you will, to begin the journey home to love. So where my darling are you separated from your love? Where does fear creep in and make decisions for you because it has taken root? What my darling can you change in any small moment to begin to light the path back home? Speaking from experience, starting with, “I don’t feel like myself and I want to come home,” is a wonderful place to start.
Grab a match my darling, I’m waiting for you and miss you so. It’s time my darlings, come home.